What Type of Love Language Do You speak?
In my final Semester at the University of Central Florida, my nonverbal communications class required me to read "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. At first I found this to be somewhat odd. I thought it was going to be super cheesy and a waste of my time but I was VERY wrong. It was actually very rewarding and allowed me to understand my relationships both present and past better than I had ever before.
"The Five Love Languages" is a book written to help you figure out what your primary love language is. For those who have no idea by what I mean by saying "love language" it basically categorizes the way you show your love for someone. Every person shows love differently. I myself enjoy doing things for my boyfriend. Such as surprising him with dinner, or keeping the house clean and doing laundry. This is better known as acts of service. The book really helps you understand why you may feel extremely loved by your significant other or may feel the lack of love from them. Gary Chapman calls it your "love tank."
Why is knowing your spouse's and your own love language important?
Let's put it this way. Have you ever heard "I just don't feel loved by you!" meanwhile you're busting your a** in order to provide a beautiful home or a delicious hot cooked meal that is ready for them when they walk in the door from work. You may think you're showing love to him or her by doing errands around the house or paying the bills, but to them this may seem like a routine to just keep the house up and running. Some people need to be told that you love them and want compliments, or they may want your undivided attention in order to feel loved. To some, a gift says "I love you," while others simply need a hug or a back rub which can go a long way.
From "The Five Love Languages" website, "The 5 Love Languages has helped countless couples identify practical and powerful ways to express love, simply by using the appropriate love language. Many husbands and wives who had spent years struggling through marriages they thought were loveless discovered one or both spouses had long been showing love through messages that weren’t getting through. By recognizing their different love languages, they witnessed the rebirth of the love they thought had been gone for good."
Here are the 5 love languages in a nutshell:
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
On that note, my love advice to you is to pick up a copy of "The Five Love Languages" either in your local library or your neighborhood bookstore. I'm not one for "sappy love stuff" but this truly can help you and your loved one maintain a healthy, happy, and loving relationship.
What do you think your love language is? Want to find out what your love language is? Take this quiz!
