For this week’s article, we opened up the subject to all of our friends on Facebook and our Tweeps in Twitter-land. The majority of the responses were submitted by women and one of the more popular questions posed to us (in some form) was the following:
Q: “What is the biggest impact the down economy has on men and their view of dating/ commitment?”
With all of this hubbub about the U.S. government haggling over the future of our country’s economic situation, many people wonder how this impact people at an individual level. Well, ASK Dan & Mike are definitely NOT economists and we don’t purport to predict the future, but we can tell you what our many of our male clients and fans have shared with us this past year regarding this relevant subject.
Ladies, let’s handle the obvious things first:
- Men will not be taking you to as many expensive restaurants anytime soon.
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They say “diamonds are a girl’s best friend,” but don’t expect any new BFF’s in this fashion.
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Be grateful for a few daisies come Valentine’s Day because roses are sure to exceed many budgets.
Now that we got a few easy ones out of the way, let’s give you some very sad but real commentary from guys expressing their views and how this economy has impacted their view of dating and love. The one fact (according to the US Census) that is worth examining is how men over the last several decades are waiting longer and longer to get married. In the research for our book, "Men: 10 Secrets Every Woman Should Know from Two Guys That Do", we interviewed thousands of men asking questions about the conversation of money. As two married guys with kids ourselves, we absolutely love to see guys start and build families with the women of their dreams…its truly PRICELESS. We were more than thrilled to see the recent statistic in the “July 2011 AskMen.com Men Survey” of over 70,000 male respondents when they were asked, “What is the ultimate male status symbol?” The #1 response of American men was having “a family” (39%) followed by “a high-profile career” (30%). We wish these numbers were much higher but they do show an American man’s belief about having a family over wealth and money.
Another sad perception men have in this economy is that if they cannot provide at the levels they want OR at the levels they perceive women to want, they will simply avoid all-together. As an example, we had several dozen male participants at one of our live events and they admitted to being totally in love and ready to make the big commitment but wanted to “push off engagement” because they felt they either couldn’t afford a nice size diamond (engagement ring) OR could not afford the kind of wedding they wanted to host for their potential new bride. Oh goodness, talking about a sad state of affairs with some guys out there, but these are real view points and show how men are feeling the economic pinch. Compare this to ninety years ago when our grandparents shared stories about getting married and having kids when they “didn’t have a pot to piss in” (literally in 1929 when the stock market crashed followed by the Great Depression). What a difference a couple generations have evolved from right?
Our own grandparents would flip in the grave if they ever heard us say, “Of course I love her and she is the woman of my dreams but I have to wait another two years before I can afford a 2 carat engagement ring, Pops.”
Ladies, let’s face it, you can read this article and do your absolute best to help your man and his fragile ego get over it (being stuck on money and providing) but he has years of upbringing, social pressure and limiting beliefs to overcome. All you can do is remind your man that the feeling of love, commitment and starting a family is PRICELESS. No job, no car, no house nor any material object can come close to the feeling of letting yourself go and making that huge jump into the future. As proud fathers, we both talk about this a lot and we would literally give up everything to experience and be a part of our children’s lives with our wives. We say, “Take it all (the house, the car and the big job), but don’t take our families.” Guys, our advice is to get back to the basics and quit worrying about what you think society thinks. You are being more of THE MAN if you follow your heart rather than chasing the “Benjamins” and ladies, tell your doubting man to call Dan & Mike—we’ll help set him straight.
