Have you ever started dating a really awesome person, but they were a total flop in the bedroom? Should this be grounds for ending the relationship, or is that way too shallow? Sex is obviously an important aspect of a romantic relationship. However, if there's no sexual spark, it will be much harder to feel that deep connection and share intimacy which occurs while doing the dirty. There must be a way to make this work!
What can you do?
Obviously, you can’t just open your mouth and be blunt. You have to be gentle to make sure their self esteem doesn’t get damaged! Ariel, Florida Licensed Mental Health Counselor psychotherapist, and author of "The Drinkers Woman" suggests the following:
“The dissatisfied partner figures out what he or she really wants to change. Select only one change at a time, so go for either the easiest or the most important. If the opportunity to address more changes arises, great, but take it slow. Once you see your partner's reaction, modify your approach accordingly.”
Now you have a choice:
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Over dinner, when it may not be expected, don your sexy side, then in a very sexy manner, suggest whatever it is you want in the way you want it. Watch your partner's response and adjust accordingly.
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When in bed (or just before), whisper what you want your partner to do. Don't expect magic; most partners (especially men) are delighted to experiment and play. (If the partner is a woman, make allowances for her natural embarrassment or awkwardness due to social programming or a damaged self-esteem.) As in teaching or learning anything, take your time, praise for little successes, prompt for adjustments.
She adds, “If your partner responds well, you're on your way to a great sex life together. If your partner does not respond well, you need to gently begin to separate. You have only limited ability to make major adjustments to someone else. Whether or not you are in love, a lifetime of unsatisfied sexual desire is too much for anyone to take on. The sooner you separate, the easier on both of you.”
It’s extremely important to be able to talk to your partner about sex. If you aren’t able to be open with each other, you will encounter problems. Communication is extremely important in the bedroom as well. A lack of communication only means unsatisfied needs!
John Wilder, marriage, relationship and sexual coach, is single and had this happen to him recently. He dated a woman that he loved talking to and being with, but she was lousy in bed. He shared the following:
“Have a discussion with them and share what kinds of things that you want. Tell them that you are willing to be patient and allow them to grow into more sexual sophistication. If they are unwilling then it is best to just cut it early because sex is one of the big three that couples fight about. It did not work for us, sadly, she was way too inhibited and was not interested in becoming less so.”
What’s you opinion, if the sex isn’t good and doesn’t change would you walk away or try to stick through it? Share your thoughts!
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