Q. My Mom's boyfriend recently moved in. He's nice enough and I'm glad she's happy, but when I visit I want time with my Mom, not him and his teenage daughters. Is that selfish? -Shelly
A. It is a little selfish, but who cares? If you want to spend time with your mom you have every right to want that time to be just between the two of you.
Sure you are happy she’s happy and if the boyfriend living in her house does that, then fantastic.
However you were there first and no matter what you’ll always be there. So you deserve to be a bit selfish.
That said you do love your mom obviously and I am sure you want to demonstrate to her how much her happiness means to you. So here’s the compromise I suggest. Spend some time with the ‘whole’ new family and then spend some one-on-one time with your mom.
When you speak to her on the phone next time go out of your way to tell her how glad you are she has someone in her life and that you know how happy he makes her. Tell her next time you visit you’re really excited about going out to dinner as a big family and learning more about the boyfriend as well as his daughter. But then tell her you also would really love to have some special time just with her.
Your mom wants you to be happy too and as long as you are honest with her and you aren’t playing anyone off anyone else, then she should be able to compromise too.
One way to ensure you get one-on-one time is to plan in advance an activity or two that only the two of you will want to do. Maybe make a pedicure appointment at a spa or tell her you want to take her bra and underwear shopping. No boyfriend in his right mind wants to do either of those things.
Make your mom feel special, ensure she knows how important her happiness is to you and then remind her how wonderful your time is and always will be together.
