Do you have a friend that believes you are BFFs (Best Friends Forever), when in actuality you’re just BFAtTs (Best Friends According to Them)? I made up that last acronym. Sorry if it sucks. Anyway, most of us do have someone like that in our lives. It’s so common, it was even written into an episode of Seinfeld when Jerry ending up “breaking up” with an old childhood friend with whom he no longer has anything in common.
While it may be humorous to an outsider to see how you’re going to get out of going to a movie this weekend or try and reschedule lunch plans…it’s a huge headache to those involved. How do you tell the person you don’t want to hang out? Do you let them down easy? Are you just a total jerk and tell them you don’t like them as much as they like you? Do you turn them down at every chance and hope they take the hint? Or do you just suck it up and pretend to like them?
I had a friend in grade school who was always trying to get me to come over and play video games. In my opinion, I had enough friends. I didn’t need anyone else. So, eventually, I ignored the person so much, the problem went away. Does that make me a bad person? Probably, yes. But like I said, the problem went away. Okay, so I’m a passive aggressive jerk.
Maybe my tactics weren’t the best approach, so I called upon The Friendship Doctor, Irene S. Levine to get some expert advice. This is how she recommends you deal with someone who thinks you’re better friends than you actually are.
Dealing with a "friend"
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It's always best to downgrade a friendship and try to get your message across without burning bridges. Unless the person lives in another state, you never know when you're going to bump into your old friend or when you may change your mind.
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It’s okay to tell a white lie not to hurt someone else’s feelings. After all, this person WAS your friend. You can say you’re busy with the kids or exhausted after a long day at work. Your ex-friend may actually get the message and stop asking you.
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Remember that people have different expectations of friendship and not all friendships are reciprocal. You might want to talk to your friend and explain that while you want to remain friends, you need more space. It may be okay and your friend may latch on to someone else.
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Diffuse the friendship by getting together in a group. This way you don't have to deal with the person one-on-one and he/she may be a perfect acquaintance at more of a distance.
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It’s okay to let your friend go on thinking he or she is still a friend as long as it doesn't infringe upon your life. After all, who needs enemies?
How do you deal with a friend who isn't really a friend?
See what the cast of The Daily Buzz has to say about it here.
