These are the people who take the fun out of a game, make a simple task a race, and ALWAYS have to be right. Yeah, those Alpha types, aka competitive people. This personality trait can be really difficult to deal with, and even worse if you put two alphas together. So what’s the best way to handle these people?
I spoke with Layne Kertamus, president of NegotiGator, a leadership training company and empowerment services provider, who deals with the alpha types regularly. Layne says, “Highly competitive people are very motivated so it is important to focus their energy on what works well for them and the team, company or department.”
She explains that for alphas, recognition is very important. Even though they move fast, listen deeply to their concerns and make sure to recognize their contributions to the project.
I guess if you have a boss who is the alpha type, brown nosing is the way to go.
She adds, “Let alphas know that usually there are some betas who are just as important and therefore, collaboration is important. Solo players rarely win and your expectation of turn taking requires alphas to be flexible.”
What causes people to behave this way? Is it a power issue and being dominate caused them feel better? Layne explained some alphas act that way because it is a smoke screen for not being prepared or being insecure. She adds “Getting alignment on these issues can help.”
But what happens if you are in a relationship with an alpha personality? If you’re anything like Kathy Peterson, a design expert, you ignore it. “My husband is an alpha man-who now has been teaching me to play golf. I deal with his Alpha-ism by not "re-acting" to his extremely direct comments when I don't swing or hit the ball correctly. It helps not to dispute his comments as he's is teaching me the right way to play. I know most people could not or would deal with this but I'm immune to it and look at it as constructive criticism - not a "dig" on my swing!”
Generally, people who are competitive about their houses, kids, dinner parties etc are either insecure or arrogant and want to prove superiority says Clinical Psychologist, Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D. She advises, “If they are the insecure type, praising their accomplishments and staying calm and friendly may make them see you as an ally or as less of a threat. If they are arrogant, you may need to speak up and toot your own horn as well or change the subject when they start boasting.”
What’s your opinion, what’s the best way to handle them? Are you an alpha type or do you know someone who is? What do they do that annoys you the most? We want to hear your stories!
